Do Feel You’ve Failed at Life?

by Jayne Kopp on January 16, 2012

failed at life, failed in life

Feel like you failed at life?  Has everything spiralled down the proverbial toilet?

Do you feel as though the harder you try the ‘behinder’ you get and you’re just ready to throw in the towel, curl in a ball and resign yourself to doom?

If so… you are not the first and you certainly won’t be the last!

In this day and age there are so many people feeling  like they are indeed the  biggest loser… and I’m not talking about the weight loss program on reality TV.

I think the problem is these days is we live in such a fast paced world that it’s hard to keep life in balance and some things just get the better of us.  Weaknesses emerge, wrong decisions are made and we just can’t seem to get a grip and keep it all together.

Failed marriages, relationships, marriages, friendships, financial progress all seem to be part and parcel of people’s lives and are statistics that are growing in exponential proportions.

It can be tough, really tough to be honest to pull yourself out of being between a rock and a hard place in order to t urn it around.

You feel deflated, your self esteem has disappeared and your energy level is non existent.  Goals and dreams seem to have become so unreachable that it’s difficult to see the forest for the trees.

I know, I’ve been there.

Unfortunately, there’s only one person who can change this and that person is  you!

On a positive note however, you can…and you can create a new existence that far exceeds the old one… but you do have to be willing to put in the effort.

A few years ago, as you may or may not have read about me and my past,  my life took a dive.  I went from having the world by the tail to finding myself in a pit of despair after my marriage failed.  What’s worse is I know I played an equal part in the almighty screw up even though sadly at time, I didn’t recognize it.

Once I took the time to think things through after the dust had settled I realized my shortfalls and recognized all the things I didn’t do (but should have) to salvage the relationship.

It was devastating to feel so low, realize my mistakes and feel as though I truly had failed at life in general.  It was also mind boggling to manage my own thoughts especially when it came to personal forgiveness.

Not only had I let my relationship crumble, I’d manage to screw up my professional life too as I ended up selling my offline business shares to my ex husband, from a business we’d grown together and enjoyed terrific success.

Believe me… knowing that I  not only had I let my husband slip away… but my only means of sustainable earning was not  an easy pill to swallow.

So … What did I do?

Well, I had to look for the bright side… even though I was convinced it didn’t exist.  Thankfully, I was wrong and will share a few things  I know now that I didn’t know then:

It took a while for me to recognize the decision to sell my shares in my business was in fact one of the best decisions I could have made as I was able to come home and raise my children.

Although I was (and still am) eternally grateful for this one spark of brightness, at the time I was not on a retirement plan and still had to find a way to replace my  income to avoid having to return to the working world and leave my children in care once again.

It also forced me to realize that feeling the way I did certainly would only keep me  down and depressed and certainly wouldn’t enable me to be the best parent I could be.  After all, how can you be fun and enthusiastic when you feel like you’ve been run over by a train?

I wanted to feel whole again and be the best mom I could be.  I didn’t want to feel like I was pulling a piano 24/7 and miss out on enjoying the moment with my kids… especially at a time when they were so impressionable.

With all of this said, it became clear that I had to face the fact that I had no choice but to make some pretty heavy duty decisions to pick myself up, brush myself off and take on some of the biggest challenges I’d ever faced.

The first challenge was sorting me out.  I knew that I’d get nowhere fast if I didn’t get my inner self on the straight and narrow.  It was no use ploughing ahead pretending that I was settled and happy when I wasn’t.  After all, change starts on the inside before it can be seen on the outside.

Knowing this lead me on on a personal development journey that I would have, to be quite honest,  rolled my eyes at and thought quackery in previous years!

The first thing I had to do was learn to forgive myself and realize we all make mistakes.  This isn’t easy either as it’s always easier to forgive others before we forgive ourselves.

It took realizing that we humans are not perfect.  We have to accept that… but also not lose sight of the fact that our mistakes only make up one tiny part of who we are.

I worked very hard to get over this one hurdle but once I did… the skies opened and I saw that I, like everyone else,  I possessed more ‘good’ than bad and this helped me uncover my greater strengths in order to find the energy to move forward.

Now I’m not trying to pretend it was easy or I managed entirely due to my own resources.  I had to look outside of myself  to help me strengthen my mindset to create a fresh outlook.

The answer for me was becoming  involved in a personal development program to fix my mindset, raise my self esteem, feel more passionate about life in order to recognize new opportunities.  It provided me with the skills I needed to re design my personal life.

There were growing pains but I knew I was on the right track.  Furthermore, the bonus in all of this is that the program could serve two purposes as by merely participating, I had the option of marketing it to others in  need of similar change, hence also improving my financial situation simultaneously. In other words, the ‘business opportunity‘ portion helped me develop and grow a brand new profession.

These shifts  had a huge impact on my overall well being and the way I saw things.  I was also starting to live again…admittedly  not the same as in the past.. but just as good (if not better) in a much different way.

Again, it didn’t come over night at all, but what I can tell you is that  by merely making the decision to recognize I could make things better, practicing and focusing on my new path helped me develop a new outlook which  eventually gained momentum and became one of the best habits I could have developed.

This ‘choice’ to emerge was entirely one I made on my own… and if I can do it… anybody can.

As time went by I became crystal clear on what I wanted my ideal life to look like.  Admittedly you can’t always fix everything completely, but creating new interests and goals carry you forward with a greater spring in your step.

Before too long,  I no longer felt I’d failed at life … in fact I began to see more and more opportunities ripe for the picking… and now I’d improved and healed a great deal, I  had the energy to dive in head long.

My path in self growth prompted me to do something I never in a million years thought I’d do, and that was to hire a coach to glean even more inspiration.

Through my sessions it became abundantly clear to both my coach and myself that through what I perceived to be failing in life,  I’d actually excelled and  knew the recipe to overcome.  This new focus worked for me and  it showed.

I started getting calls from people who had visited my primary blog  and read about my journey from hell to happiness.  I started sharing information, suggestions and advice to others who were in a similar situation as the one I had emerged from.

Admittedly some people took it, and another ignored it but the lions share of those who took heed found they were able to start following in my now familiar pattern.

I was asked to speak in group settings and meet ups to empower those who felt down.

It was a whole new life… but I realized that through my failure and taking a dive into the cesspool of despair I learned so much about life, empathy, and personal improvement.

I also found that most people who made similar decisions experienced similar results.  It was once I felt in control of life again and realized how similar most shortfalls really are I felt I had enough experience under my belt to become a Certified Life Coach.

Though we might all choose different paths, I have found that if you truly want to turn things around after feeling as thought you’ve failed at life, talking to someone to help you uncover your strengths can be a priceless move in the right direction to eventually uncover strengths you never new you had.

It took me over 40 years to realize that the majority of people on this planet hit a wall at some point in life that really knocks them for a six but if they can pull through it learn things about themselves that make everything worthwhile and failures are nothing more than opportunities for improvement.

If you feel you’ve failed at life…

The best thing to do is to cut yourself some slack.  Take some time to relax and really think things though.  Try to determine what would help you regain traction.  Pretend you have one wish (not winning a lottery)…. but more related to envisioning how your ideal life might be if you could re design your existence.

Don’t worry about the ‘how to get there details’ ; just focus on the fact you can reach any destination you imagine IF you truly have the desire.

Once you’ve determined exactly what would help you stop feeling  you’d failed at life, get help.  Talk it out and see if someone who’s been in a similar situation can’t point you in the right direction.

I’m not suggesting my personal path is the one for you, BUT if you feel as though you just can’t pin point your own best remedy,  or need help to get your thoughts straight….my advice would be to find a life coach or a person who is not closely related.

Often friends and family are petrified of either giving you the wrong advice or scared to point out home truths for fear of crossing boundaries.  Sometimes you end up doing nothing as a result of taking advice of people who haven’t been there and felt as you might.

A life coach on the other had has a vested interest in your outcome but will be able to relay the things you need to hear in a more straight up  and direct manner.  Furthermore,  you’ll likely accept their advice easier than you would a best friend.

Seriously, regardless of what ‘it’ is that has you feeling you’ve failed at life, know you can turn it around and often a brighter future lays ahead if you’re willing to take the bull by the horns and make a few changes.

If you need help getting past your past and  to draw a road-map to healing, contact me and let’s get you back on track.

Life is short and should be lived starting now.  It’s also a gift and enjoyed in the present… as well as the future… so seize it now before you look back in 10 years and realize how much you’ve missed.

If you feel as though you’ve failed at life, contact me through this site at any time and get your questions answered and make this next few weeks count and use this time to take a  journey in your own transformation.

 

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